Gigi Graham Tchividjian, popular author and speaker, is the daughter of world-renowned evangelist Billy Graham. When one of her sons began to drift away from God and his family, she was stunned. She hadn't expected problems like this. After all, she and her husband, Stephan, had tried their hardest to raise their kids in a godly way. Nothing was "wrong" with the other children. What was going on with her son Tullian?

I stood in the doorway, watching my son walk slowly down the driveway and out into the street. Then, with a heart that felt heavy as lead, I reluctantly turned away.

I forced myself to go through the motions of fixing dinner and doing the evening chores. When I finally crawled into bed, I lay awake, crying and wondering. Where was he? Had he eaten supper? Did he have a place to sleep? Could we have done things differently? Would he ever come home again?

I thought back over the past months. The ups and downs, the emotions, the harsh words, the frustrations, the disobedience, the dishonesty, the questions, the long nights ... sitting and waiting, wondering, worrying, asking why.

Why was this son choosing to rebel against all we’d offered him?  A warm, loving home, physical comfort, an education, a godly heritage. We had wanted him, prayed for him, and had been overjoyed at his arrival. He had been such a fun-loving, happy child. We called him our "sunshine."

I never expected unsavory friends, drugs, theft, wild dress to go with even wilder behavior, or calls from detention centers. Why? Our other children, although not perfect, had never caused us any serious problems.

Unable to control the tears, I thought about all the chances we had given our son. He had run away from home at sixteen. We'd taken him back again and again only to have him abuse our trust and disrupt our family life. We had done all we knew to do until finally, tonight, my husband had to demand that he leave our home.

Unprepared for Pain

I wasn't prepared for a prodigal. I never imagined that one night I would lie in bed wondering where my son was. But once you love, you are never free again.

In looking back, I realize that the Lord allowed these difficult years and this trying situation to teach me many things.

I had to cope with overwhelming sadness that at times almost engulfed me. I had carried this child, given birth to him, cradled him in my arms, watched over him when he was sick, fixed his meals, washed his clothes, prayed for him and with him. After years of our giving all we had to this beloved child, he chose to disregard his training and reject his teaching.

Then came the guilt. During those first few months and many times afterward, I experienced stabs of guilt and searing self-doubt. Could I have brought him up differently? Had I been too strict—or not strict enough? Had I shown enough love? Had I truly gone the extra mile? Had I prayed enough? I knew I had made mistakes, but I also knew that I had done my best. Sadly, there were some Christians who made remarks or looked at me in a way that made these feelings all the more difficult. However, this taught me to be more sensitive to others going through similar experiences. We need to be approachable and available, not condemning. Showing love and concern.

At times the Lord had gently reminded me to deal with my son as He deals with His children: to keep the doors of communication always open, to accept the person, even when I could not accept his actions and conduct.

But as painful as it was, Stephan and I also realized we could not allow the behavior of this one child to consume us. At times we had to purposefully put our prodigal out of our minds. It simply wasn't fair to focus all our attention and emotional energy on him at the expense of the other members of the family.

Letting God Lead

Sometimes accomplishing this was terribly difficult. We had to ask the Lord for His wisdom and discernment in knowing how to demonstrate love to our son without approving of his behavior. The Lord reminded me that sometimes love has to be tough. Sometimes lessons are only learned the hard way. So I also had to be careful not to interfere with God’s dealings in our son's life, allowing him to suffer the consequences of his choices and actions—even though my mother's heart wanted to shield him.

Although there was really nothing else I could do during this troubled time, I often found it difficult to trust the Lord. I found myself wondering why God gave this boy parents if He didn't want us to be in charge. I was tempted again and again to do God’s job for Him and would try my best to do something—anything—to help God out. I would interfere, manipulate, scheme, and even attempt to control the situation. My mother's heart ached for Tullian. I wanted to protect him. But it didn't help. It only frustrated and fragmented the family.

Several years passed. One Sunday, unknown to us, Tullian and his girlfriend came to church. At the end of the service, unexpectedly, Tullian took his girlfriend by the hand, and from high in the balcony, they went forward to give their lives to Jesus Christ.

I was overwhelmed with joy—but I must admit also a bit skeptical. I didn't want to have my hopes dashed again. I waited and watched. As the weeks turned into months, we saw this young man grow and mature into a sincere, dedicated child of God.

We have since celebrated Tullian's marriage to his lovely Kim and watched them parent two sons of their own.

Adapted from Prodigals and Those Who Love Them by Ruth Graham Bell. Used by permission of Baker Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, Copyright © 1999 by Ruth Graham Bell.  All rights to this material are reserved.  Materials are not to be distributed to other web locations for retrieval, published in other media, or mirrored at other sites without written permission from Baker Pubishing Group. www.BakerPublishingGroup.com.

<Reference : Family Life>